But I was really distraught at the hospital today. I spent a lot of good time with dad and I talked on the phone a bit with Antoinette but as I went out into the ICU waiting room, I saw a family there and I could hear them talking about this girl... and I knew I seen this particular girl in her room, hooked up to so many machines and tubes that it was absolutely familiar to my Grandma, who died this past summer. And they mentioned that some of her brain cells were dead and then, I went back to dad's room and then I came back out to the waiting room to get some snacks for him from the vending machine (he wasn't supposed to have any snacks or anything, he was supposed to just pick at some dinner but he was starving so I snuck out there to get him some snacks) and then more of this family had gathered and I really started worrying.

And then I saw a few family members in this confrence room talking with one of the doctors and I seriously almost had a panic attack. I wanted to sit and cry and i had such a deep pain in my chest and i just felt sick to my stomach.

I knew just somewhere deep in my heart that they were taking this girl, who appeared to be no older than me, off life support.

Mom and I said goodbye to Dad and when we left and went to the waiting room, I saw a few family members into the room, holding her hands. And we got out into the waiting room and I just burst into tears. Mom really wanted me to go in there and say something to them because I had been in their shoes. My Grandma wasn't brain dead but... she would have been hooked up to machines for months to clean her blood of the Leukemia and well... she just wouldn't come back and we decided to just end it... and well. I just.. I had been in that position too. But I just couldn't.

I know I sound SO nosy right now but do you guys think I should have said something? I kinda think I did the right decision and If someone would have came up to me and said that to me (like "I know what you're going through") i'd probably snap on them... but something in me tells me maybe they would have found comfort in it, somehow.

I don't know... I just feel really depressed right now.

I brought all of my school books and some binders and notebooks home to study from and I feel bad that I only had a few chances to study and I have this SUDDEN urge to study. :)

UGH. and WHAT THE HELL. My right ankle is bothering me SO much lately and I really don't want it to hurt me in my tennis or just in general. Last week it just gave out on me and I seriously just fell to the ground and then today I was going to my grandma's house to talk before I left for the hospital and as I set my right foot down my ankle just burst with pain and now its just killing me.

HELP!!!

Bahaha. That was so amazing. :]

School today was pretty good. I got all my homework for tomorrow and so tomorrow my dad is having a heart surgery because he has this heart condition, i'm not really sure of the name but its where his heart beat is irregular and beats wayyy more than it really should and this really non evasive surgery will fix that problem, and I'll study for a bit because i have two upcomming tests in Science and Government and then make up tests for Spanish and a quiz on Romeo and Juliet in english.

I'm not too worried but I really want to be there when he goes into surgery but my mom is making me stay home and I totally understand because if I see my dad in his litle gown thingy and taking the pills that they give you before surgery and see him getting an IV put in... well, I'll be passing out. And I don't want that happening so I'm going to the hospital later.

Well, enough of this totally depressing stuff. Onto a topic that is a bit more depressing but its fine.

Tati has pulled out of Rome, Strausburg, and ROLAND GARROS.

Oh geez Tat...I was so shocked by this information. I know that I heard that she was having some exams and stuff done but I did not expect this at all. What a curveball! I really hope during this time off that Tatiana takes it slow, rests and relaxs and also works a bit on some rehab and stuff. I really hope she doesn't rush it and rush to get back. Yes, Tati, I know the tour is SO boring without you but please take your time. Hun, if you feel your not ready then DO NOT come back! please! Come back at 110% and get back on track and kick some ass.

Hehe. I'm also working on a video documenting Tatiana's 2007 season and its coming along quite nicely. :) I'll post it here when it is done.

Well, its pretty late so I should be in bed so good night everyone!

And I also saw this on another friend's journal so I thought I'd post it too:

5 Songs I Really Love Right Now:

1. Hard Sun - Eddie Vedder
2. Shine - Collective Soul
3. Black Hole Sun - Sound Garden
4. Even Flow - Pearl Jam
5. No Handlebars - ???

I just want to go to the courts and hit and play like I used to do and just do really good. But I don't really have anyone to go with.

Well, on Brewers Live they just showed JJ looking very adorable and eee. I just love it. But it still doesn't get rid of my urge to run and play tennis. :)

Maybe I'll go for a walk and work up to jogging. I just wish I didn't have to go alone.

Keyboarding - B

Earth Science - C+

Pre Algebra - C

English 9 - B

American Government - B

23 days until Finals! Which means 23 days to raise these damn grades.

And now I'm going to go on a rant about that earth science grade. I fucking hate my teacher. He is so fucking lazy. he hands out so mich homework everyday, like a lab and then the actual homework assignment and he can't even keep track of it. he even told us when he wanted us to grade one of our freaking assignments and its utter fucking bullshit. I handed in the Biomass lab that we did but i was sick the day we did the Insulation lab and so in the grade book he gives me an A on the INSULATION LAB but says that the BIOMASS LAB is missing. WHAT THE FUCK.

And then the Earthquake test that I took WEEKS ago, he says I'm missing. And then this HUGE chapter worksheet packet that I did, I HANDED IN. but he gives me an F. I'm yelling at him tomorrow. I'm not even joking.

Ugh. I'm so sad Tati lost today. poor girl. Hopefully we can expect more next week in Rome. And alos how about those brewers? pfft. Getting SWEPT by the Astros. I mean, the astros are pretty good, I like them... but Wow. I definately wasn't expecting that. When the score was 6-3 brewers, I took a nap thinking Gagne was going to get it done.... Boy was I wrong.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day for them. :)

SOMEONE WRITE ME SOME JJ HARDY/RYAN BRAUN SLASH!!! GAHHH!

Wow I haven't updated in a while! I'm sorry! Well... to update you, I had the most wonderful weekend last weekend and I definately must tell you about it. I had PT on friday and afterwords we went and picked Antoinette up and that night we ate Cousins subs, AN ENTIRE PAN OF BROWNIES, and soup and we sat on myspace and watched Whats Love Got To Do With It? and then on Saturday afternoon we went to the mall and got a few items from American Eagle and ate at Burger King and laughed at the people outside but more importantly, we went to a birthday party for our friend Dwane!

We really thought the party was boring when it started. it was just the regulars at Chris and Dwanes, but it turned out really fun. At first we just kinda played music and sat there but then we started singing and dancing and started cheering for everyone in beer pong and flip cup. Of course we couldn't play. This guy Zach and Little Dwane's girlfriend Carmen were pretty upset that we couldn't play and they wouldn't even believe we were only fifteen. oh well. OUR DAY WILL COME!!!

We sang so many good songs like "Celebration" "Oh What A Night" "Lets Get It On" and even "Whats Love Got To Do With it?" This one regular at the parties though was really pissing me off. His name is Adam and usually he is very mellow and doesn't really get drunk at all but when Elmer, a close friend of the family's had a heart attack and died, Elmer basically died in his arms and now... well, hes kinda messed up. And he sat there yelling at me and Antoinette because he thought we didn't understand the song ("Whats love got to do with it?") and then he started RAVING about how we treat out parents bad and how we're not respectable or something... just drunken bullshit but whatever.

And then Dwane and his friends started to play football with a frozen pork shoulder, a bag of frozen hashbrowns, and a loaf of garlic bread and then they brought the cake out and all fucking hell broke loose. A hugeee cake fight happened. I was absolutely covered in it, everything and everybody was covered in it. and it was a spiderman cake! bahaha. And then me and antoinette played with the flip cup glasses and this guy Zach was helping us and then WE WENT UPSTAIRSSS.

All of Little Dwane's friends basically threw up everywhere and passed out and so we just hung around him for the rest of the night and LOL. Antoinette has a problem with going to the bathroom at parties alone so I went to the bathroom with her all night and as we were walking upstairs we were going into the bathroom that is right at the top of the stairs and its a tiny ass bathroom, only ment for one person really but we could fit both of us in there and we went in, did our buisness and as we are opening the door, Big Dwane sees us and just freaks out and everyone who was in the living room and kitchen just came and stared at us in the bathroom. Kinda akward but absolutely hilarious. And then Dwane mistaked Antoinette's name for MACAYLA! Antoinette's little sister is named Mckayleigh so he probably got confused but I almost peed myself laughing. Taha. Somehow he knew my name. Dwane's head was caked with frosting so i washed his hair for him and ahhh!! HES AMAZINGGG. He sat and gave us a lecture on his peppermint shampoo and mango conditioner, but its all good because mango is one of my favorite scents. :]

And then we ate popsicles and drank grape soda from the bottle and it was really fun until that drunk guy i mentioned before, Adam, came up and TOTALLY freaked out. We were just sitting there and he comes upstairs and starts raving about how Antoinette and I hanging out with Dwane was not age apropriate and how hes not a police officer or something. ugh. it was really pissing me off. But then we both had to leave since it was getting on Midnight and i was nottt expecting this but Dwane just reached out and hugged me and kissed me.

Bahaha. I love him. hes very random. and he gave antoinette a kiss as well and then he accompanied us downstairs and like held us and kissed our heads and um BAD MOVE. My dad was standing right there (Hes like a 6'5 scary, muscular full blooded Italian looking guy... and well, lets just say A LOT of people are afraid of him) and we are SO lucky he didn't see us. That would have been absolutely horrible. Then we had to leave and yeah, that was depressing but such a lovely ending to the night.

And now time for pictures!

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And tonight Mom and I will go pick Antoinette up after PT again because tomorrow we are going TO THE BREWER GAME!!! BAHAHA!

Come on Brew Crew!