When no one is left and nothing they said can save you

Eyes On Me

2008-05-11T19:35:00Z

I just realized that I definately need more Brewer icons. Ugh. Just one measly JJ icon!? I mean, he looks wonderful in it but I definately need more.

Anyways, moving onnnnnnnnnnn:

- After TEN YEARS (seriously) I have finally beaten Final Fantasy 8!!! AHH! I can't believe it. It was so easy too. My main party was Squall, Rinoa, and Selphie all with their final weapons and at level 100 and it was basically a cake walk. I didn't think it was really difficult at all. Geez I'm SAD NOW. Now what the hell am I supposed to play? I guess I could pick up FF9 again but ehhh.. I dunno. I've been playing that one since it came out too and I do think it's pretty interesting but I dunno. We'll see.

- I seriously need to study today.

- I really wanted to play tennis today but its really bad outside and rainy so no such luck. I'm going to have to check the weather forecast for tomorrow and let's hope its good! I want to get out and play!

Well, I'm going to go watch the rest of the brewer game. I'm pretty happy that they're winning and also The Red Sox will be on tonight so it will give me something to do. :]

I'm going to end this entry now and I just wanted to say HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY and congrats to Dinara on her WIN in Berlin!

A Letter

2008-05-10T04:22:22Z

RYAN BRAUN I AM IN LOVE WITH YOUR SEXINESS.

And I love that you always look so gay with JJ. Thats damnnnn fine.

And your hair is really cute.

Let It Rain, Rain, Rain

2008-05-10T04:14:52Z

Dad is doing very well. He will even be released probably tomorrow night. :]

But I was really distraught at the hospital today. I spent a lot of good time with dad and I talked on the phone a bit with Antoinette but as I went out into the ICU waiting room, I saw a family there and I could hear them talking about this girl... and I knew I seen this particular girl in her room, hooked up to so many machines and tubes that it was absolutely familiar to my Grandma, who died this past summer. And they mentioned that some of her brain cells were dead and then, I went back to dad's room and then I came back out to the waiting room to get some snacks for him from the vending machine (he wasn't supposed to have any snacks or anything, he was supposed to just pick at some dinner but he was starving so I snuck out there to get him some snacks) and then more of this family had gathered and I really started worrying.

And then I saw a few family members in this confrence room talking with one of the doctors and I seriously almost had a panic attack. I wanted to sit and cry and i had such a deep pain in my chest and i just felt sick to my stomach.

I knew just somewhere deep in my heart that they were taking this girl, who appeared to be no older than me, off life support.

Mom and I said goodbye to Dad and when we left and went to the waiting room, I saw a few family members into the room, holding her hands. And we got out into the waiting room and I just burst into tears. Mom really wanted me to go in there and say something to them because I had been in their shoes. My Grandma wasn't brain dead but... she would have been hooked up to machines for months to clean her blood of the Leukemia and well... she just wouldn't come back and we decided to just end it... and well. I just.. I had been in that position too. But I just couldn't.

I know I sound SO nosy right now but do you guys think I should have said something? I kinda think I did the right decision and If someone would have came up to me and said that to me (like "I know what you're going through") i'd probably snap on them... but something in me tells me maybe they would have found comfort in it, somehow.

I don't know... I just feel really depressed right now.

I brought all of my school books and some binders and notebooks home to study from and I feel bad that I only had a few chances to study and I have this SUDDEN urge to study. :)

UGH. and WHAT THE HELL. My right ankle is bothering me SO much lately and I really don't want it to hurt me in my tennis or just in general. Last week it just gave out on me and I seriously just fell to the ground and then today I was going to my grandma's house to talk before I left for the hospital and as I set my right foot down my ankle just burst with pain and now its just killing me.

HELP!!!

Hard Sun

2008-05-09T04:20:30Z

mmm. I did get to go play tennis yesterday. I did a quick warm up by doing a few streches and jogged a lap around the courts before some light hitting and wow. When I warm up before a match, i'm so tense and nervous I can't even simply hit the ball over the net and even just playing a match with my uncle i feel nervous. I definately knew that I was going to do good when the ball was going over the net really easily and I did do well. My serve was a bit off but I wanted to not go crazy with it but WOW. my groundstrokes were really solid and good. My backhand was a little wary for a while but my uncle and I were hitting a really good rally and I just run to the left side of the court and just SMACK this really good backhand down the line and most of the time I really don't follow through with my shots, I kinda bring the racket near my shoulder, but never over and it was so good. It came so easily and I even followed through. My forehand was pretty good too and I even went to the net for a few shots but my volleys are definately off.

Bahaha. That was so amazing. :]

School today was pretty good. I got all my homework for tomorrow and so tomorrow my dad is having a heart surgery because he has this heart condition, i'm not really sure of the name but its where his heart beat is irregular and beats wayyy more than it really should and this really non evasive surgery will fix that problem, and I'll study for a bit because i have two upcomming tests in Science and Government and then make up tests for Spanish and a quiz on Romeo and Juliet in english.

I'm not too worried but I really want to be there when he goes into surgery but my mom is making me stay home and I totally understand because if I see my dad in his litle gown thingy and taking the pills that they give you before surgery and see him getting an IV put in... well, I'll be passing out. And I don't want that happening so I'm going to the hospital later.

Well, enough of this totally depressing stuff. Onto a topic that is a bit more depressing but its fine.

Tati has pulled out of Rome, Strausburg, and ROLAND GARROS.

Oh geez Tat...I was so shocked by this information. I know that I heard that she was having some exams and stuff done but I did not expect this at all. What a curveball! I really hope during this time off that Tatiana takes it slow, rests and relaxs and also works a bit on some rehab and stuff. I really hope she doesn't rush it and rush to get back. Yes, Tati, I know the tour is SO boring without you but please take your time. Hun, if you feel your not ready then DO NOT come back! please! Come back at 110% and get back on track and kick some ass.

Hehe. I'm also working on a video documenting Tatiana's 2007 season and its coming along quite nicely. :) I'll post it here when it is done.

Well, its pretty late so I should be in bed so good night everyone!

And I also saw this on another friend's journal so I thought I'd post it too:

5 Songs I Really Love Right Now:

1. Hard Sun - Eddie Vedder
2. Shine - Collective Soul
3. Black Hole Sun - Sound Garden
4. Even Flow - Pearl Jam
5. No Handlebars - ???

Run

2008-05-07T23:11:35Z

God. I just have this feeling to just go out and RUN. I remember when I was playing tennis for the team and we ran two laps around the courts after streching before hitting for a bit. Man, I would just love that. I want to do that now but I'm so out of shape.

I just want to go to the courts and hit and play like I used to do and just do really good. But I don't really have anyone to go with.

Well, on Brewers Live they just showed JJ looking very adorable and eee. I just love it. But it still doesn't get rid of my urge to run and play tennis. :)

Maybe I'll go for a walk and work up to jogging. I just wish I didn't have to go alone.

All You Have You've Wasted

2008-05-06T00:51:39Z

Spanish II - C

Keyboarding - B

Earth Science - C+

Pre Algebra - C

English 9 - B

American Government - B

23 days until Finals! Which means 23 days to raise these damn grades.

And now I'm going to go on a rant about that earth science grade. I fucking hate my teacher. He is so fucking lazy. he hands out so mich homework everyday, like a lab and then the actual homework assignment and he can't even keep track of it. he even told us when he wanted us to grade one of our freaking assignments and its utter fucking bullshit. I handed in the Biomass lab that we did but i was sick the day we did the Insulation lab and so in the grade book he gives me an A on the INSULATION LAB but says that the BIOMASS LAB is missing. WHAT THE FUCK.

And then the Earthquake test that I took WEEKS ago, he says I'm missing. And then this HUGE chapter worksheet packet that I did, I HANDED IN. but he gives me an F. I'm yelling at him tomorrow. I'm not even joking.

Ugh. I'm so sad Tati lost today. poor girl. Hopefully we can expect more next week in Rome. And alos how about those brewers? pfft. Getting SWEPT by the Astros. I mean, the astros are pretty good, I like them... but Wow. I definately wasn't expecting that. When the score was 6-3 brewers, I took a nap thinking Gagne was going to get it done.... Boy was I wrong.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day for them. :)

SOMEONE WRITE ME SOME JJ HARDY/RYAN BRAUN SLASH!!! GAHHH!

Aww.

2008-05-03T01:04:56Z

I was looking through my Godfather book and talking on the phone with Antoinette when they showed Ryan Braun looking ever so adorable with his hair all standing on end and ahhh!! I love him! and he was all streching out in the dugout and he goes over and just randomly lays his hand on JJ Hardy's thigh.

Bahaha. I love it.

Help me! I Need SLEEP!

2008-04-17T02:41:52Z

I get no sleep anymore. All I do is go to school, do homework, watch baseball, and talk to Antoinette. I'm running on empty.

And dammit. The Brewers are getting their asses kicked against The Cardinals and Wow. I grew to like baseball from watching a Yankees game on The Brewers opening day... And now I'm cheering for THE RED SOX. Someone punch me in the face, please. I'm a traitor! :[

Ugh. Just got home from hanging out with Antoinette and I want to watch the end of the brewer game but I really don't know... I'm just exhausted and I'm not sure if I'll make it.

Come on Brew Crew!

And omg! It was 70 degrees out today and they actually put the tennis nets up, finally! I wanted to play very bad but no one was home for me to play with and then at 5 I had to leave to go to Court with Antoinette because I was there for moral support because she was hearing her case from drinking at school. Its no biggie though. She just has to go to this really expensive 12 hour AA class.

Okay. I can't write anymore. Good night!

I Have A Problem With Updating!

2008-04-10T00:05:48Z

I would update (because I do have to tell you all about the brewer game Antoinette and I went to and I do have to show you all the amazing pictures we got!) but the brewer game is just about to start and I want to continue reading the new book I just started today called "Red Rage." Its pretty good so far.

I promise tomorrow!!!

Sealed With A Kiss

2008-04-04T19:05:08Z

Wow I haven't updated in a while! I'm sorry! Well... to update you, I had the most wonderful weekend last weekend and I definately must tell you about it. I had PT on friday and afterwords we went and picked Antoinette up and that night we ate Cousins subs, AN ENTIRE PAN OF BROWNIES, and soup and we sat on myspace and watched Whats Love Got To Do With It? and then on Saturday afternoon we went to the mall and got a few items from American Eagle and ate at Burger King and laughed at the people outside but more importantly, we went to a birthday party for our friend Dwane!

We really thought the party was boring when it started. it was just the regulars at Chris and Dwanes, but it turned out really fun. At first we just kinda played music and sat there but then we started singing and dancing and started cheering for everyone in beer pong and flip cup. Of course we couldn't play. This guy Zach and Little Dwane's girlfriend Carmen were pretty upset that we couldn't play and they wouldn't even believe we were only fifteen. oh well. OUR DAY WILL COME!!!

We sang so many good songs like "Celebration" "Oh What A Night" "Lets Get It On" and even "Whats Love Got To Do With it?" This one regular at the parties though was really pissing me off. His name is Adam and usually he is very mellow and doesn't really get drunk at all but when Elmer, a close friend of the family's had a heart attack and died, Elmer basically died in his arms and now... well, hes kinda messed up. And he sat there yelling at me and Antoinette because he thought we didn't understand the song ("Whats love got to do with it?") and then he started RAVING about how we treat out parents bad and how we're not respectable or something... just drunken bullshit but whatever.

And then Dwane and his friends started to play football with a frozen pork shoulder, a bag of frozen hashbrowns, and a loaf of garlic bread and then they brought the cake out and all fucking hell broke loose. A hugeee cake fight happened. I was absolutely covered in it, everything and everybody was covered in it. and it was a spiderman cake! bahaha. And then me and antoinette played with the flip cup glasses and this guy Zach was helping us and then WE WENT UPSTAIRSSS.

All of Little Dwane's friends basically threw up everywhere and passed out and so we just hung around him for the rest of the night and LOL. Antoinette has a problem with going to the bathroom at parties alone so I went to the bathroom with her all night and as we were walking upstairs we were going into the bathroom that is right at the top of the stairs and its a tiny ass bathroom, only ment for one person really but we could fit both of us in there and we went in, did our buisness and as we are opening the door, Big Dwane sees us and just freaks out and everyone who was in the living room and kitchen just came and stared at us in the bathroom. Kinda akward but absolutely hilarious. And then Dwane mistaked Antoinette's name for MACAYLA! Antoinette's little sister is named Mckayleigh so he probably got confused but I almost peed myself laughing. Taha. Somehow he knew my name. Dwane's head was caked with frosting so i washed his hair for him and ahhh!! HES AMAZINGGG. He sat and gave us a lecture on his peppermint shampoo and mango conditioner, but its all good because mango is one of my favorite scents. :]

And then we ate popsicles and drank grape soda from the bottle and it was really fun until that drunk guy i mentioned before, Adam, came up and TOTALLY freaked out. We were just sitting there and he comes upstairs and starts raving about how Antoinette and I hanging out with Dwane was not age apropriate and how hes not a police officer or something. ugh. it was really pissing me off. But then we both had to leave since it was getting on Midnight and i was nottt expecting this but Dwane just reached out and hugged me and kissed me.

Bahaha. I love him. hes very random. and he gave antoinette a kiss as well and then he accompanied us downstairs and like held us and kissed our heads and um BAD MOVE. My dad was standing right there (Hes like a 6'5 scary, muscular full blooded Italian looking guy... and well, lets just say A LOT of people are afraid of him) and we are SO lucky he didn't see us. That would have been absolutely horrible. Then we had to leave and yeah, that was depressing but such a lovely ending to the night.

And now time for pictures!

Antoinette and I

Dwane!! And the spiderman cake.

Cake fight!

I slapped her in the eye with a huge piece of cake.

She got me back., Taha!

The pork shoulder, which flew around the room many times.

Dwane waiting for me to wash his hair.

And then I had to wash his back because there was cake on it. :D

Ahh. I love them.

Ugh. I couldn't even lean my head over to smile because he was squishing me so... lol, look at our gayness

And tonight Mom and I will go pick Antoinette up after PT again because tomorrow we are going TO THE BREWER GAME!!! BAHAHA!

Come on Brew Crew!

SPRING BREAK

2008-03-21T21:32:13Z

IS NO PLACE FOR 14 INCHES OF SNOW!!!

WHAT THE HELL!?!?

And here I thought I was going to be able to get a match or two into my spring break but entire area just got dumped with a crap load of snow and my plans had to be cancelled for tonight. UGH!

When The Night Falls On You, Baby

2008-03-21T03:29:52Z

Oh geez.
I want to talk to him SO BAD!
But i really don't want to seem annoying...
Ahhh.
AHH!!!!

OH geez! what do I say!?

And It Don't Get Better Than This

2008-03-19T16:03:24Z

Hey everyone. Ahh. Geez. things have been so crazy lately. Its been really hard to even try to keep up with this thing. But because of family drama I stayed home today and I do have a little time to update.

Wow. There has been so much drama in my life in these past two months. Mainly with school. Ugh. I really do love school and I love learning but this past quater (my school year is split up in 4 quaters and 2 semesters) has been just so hectic. I've had to miss a lot of school. A close family friend of ours unexpectantly died, so I missed like 4 days because of that... my back has been bothering me a lot so i few days of that and then my parents went on vacation to Bristol, Tennesee for the nascar race and so I missed some school for that. ugh. i just need a little less drama.

And now i didn't go to school today because my uncle stole my brother's cell phone and I guess some other things from our house and so I'm staying home waiting for him... LOL. and i missed monday and tuesday because that is when my parents got home and I spent some time with them. But todya I really should have went because i had 3 tests to take but I'm going to figure out how to take them after spring break because tomorow is the first day of break.

And also there has been a lot of drama with my friends. Antoinette got suspended from school for drinking vodka there and if she gets suspended one more time or gets written up one more time shes expelled. AHH! And then with my friend Megan... there is so much drama with her that ugh. it would take a damn essay to even explain it so i'm just not going to. i'll summerize. Megan got upset because I went to Antoinette's house to spend the days that my parents were gone in Bristol and then she wrote this huge myspace blog entry on how she hates me and she called me and Antoinette "dickholes" and just so much other stupid immature bullshit.

I'm just really sick of her.

I'm so glad its break! I have just been feeling so stressed lately that its going to feel amazing to just sleep in everyday. Antoinette wants to come over tomorow also, so that should be nice.

Well... I'll write more later.

Happy late St. Patrick's Day! I love being Irish. :D

...Um?

2008-02-28T02:04:46Z

Hey everyone.
Long time... no talk?
Well, don't worry. I'm still alive! haha!

You Are The Moon

2008-02-10T05:30:03Z

Shadows all around you as you surface from the dark
Emerging from the gentle grip of night's unfolding arms
Darkness, darkness everywhere, do you feel all alone?
The subtle grace of gravity, the heavy weight of stone

You don't see what you possess, a beauty calm and clear
It floods the sky and blurs the darkness like a chandelier
All the light that you possess is skewed by lakes and seas
The shattered surface, so imperfect, is all that you believe

I will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact
So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass
I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky
You will see your beauty every moment that you rise

It Gets Harder To Bloom In The Garden Of Love

2008-02-07T02:35:12Z

Wow, did I EVER have mood swings today.

I went from INSANELY happy to horribly depressed and then happy again and then depressed again. Wow.

I'm devolping a serioussss crush on this guy my cousins hang out with... I am not even going to put his name here. My dad started snooping around the surveys I post on myspace, who knows what he'd find here... *worried*

Ugh. Yeah. Hes old than me... well, like 5 years older than me but...

Yeah I just ruined it.

I'm Being A Bad Friend! AHH!

2008-02-06T15:17:55Z

Ugh. I have been kind of ignoring LJ lately. Well, the internet in general. Somehow my computer got a VIRUS. OR SOMETHING!! And now it doesn't work as good but I just have to deal with it until I can take it into to my mom's friend's computer freak husband. *sigh*

Its a snow day today. we have around a foot or something, some say 14" or something but yeah. And I guess we are expecting 18 more. Ugh. I hope not. I like missing school of course but this is our last snow day to have before we have to start making them up and I really really don't feel like having school in July or whatever it is.

I will come up with a huge big entry later about my amazing weekend and I'll try to look back on my F-List.

I think today I'm mainly just going to be finishing New Moon and relaxing. =)

J'dore

2008-02-05T02:41:52Z

OH FUCK!!!

2008-02-04T03:11:42Z

THEY DID IT!!!!!!!!!

THEYDIDIT!!!

THE GIANTS WON THE SUPERBOWL!!!!

ELI HAS A RING! ELI HAS A RING!!

*dies of pure happiness*

This Is How We Like To Do It On The Murder Scene

2008-02-01T03:14:53Z

I just finished Twilight.

*wibbles*

I WANT NEW MOON RIGHT NOW!

But I need to really take a break from reading... and I don't feel all that great right now. Ugh. one more day of school... ONE MORE DAY! I have to grow through Spanish first hour, which wasn't really bad today it was actually very fun, and then SUFFER THROUGH THE 55 MINUTES OF KEYBOARDING!!! THE CLASS OF THE DEVIL!!! D<

And then take a hard quiz in Science... and then its basically breezy from there. And then Antoinette is comming over later.

I hope I feel better tomorow. *sigh*

Good night.

UGH. And I wish Monica (the girl who let me borrow Twilight) was bringing New Moon for me tomorow. I only had 5 chapters to go earlier at school and she didn't think i'd finish it so she said she'd bring it Monday and wtf. I'm the fastest reader like... EVER. 5 chapters is not that hard. So now I have to find something to read to pass time in school tomorow. UGHHHHHH.

So... Cold...

2008-01-30T23:58:50Z

AHH! I wish I had a fireplace! So bad! I would curl up next to it in my most comfy pajamas, a nice blanket, and Twilight and I would read far far into the night. Or well, until 9, which is when I go to bed.

But instead I have no fireplace, my bedroom is the coldest room in the house, and yeah.

I'm so glad my school had an ice day today. It was about 30 below today and yes, i was feeling quite under the weather. I'm really hoping for one tomorow but I don't think its supposed to be that bad. It would be nice though. I'm just really excited for the weekend because I'm finally busy again! I have Physical Therapy on Wednesdays and Fridays so now my social life has been cut down to a minimum. But I don't have it this Friday so I'm having Antoinette over and then on Saturday night we are attending a Birthday Party for my Mom's best friend, Bonnie. Then on Sunday, I'm getting my hair cut and re-styled and then its SUPERBOWL TIME!

*parties*

But now its time to bundle up and bear the 30 below weather because I have to go to therapy.

A real update should come soon!

She Can Turn The World On With Her Smile

2008-01-26T14:13:10Z

Wow there are a lot of pictures to post!

Many, many, many more to come!

SHE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-01-26T04:20:15Z

MARIA SHARAPOVA DEF. ANA IVANOVIC 7-5 6-3!!!!!!!!!

I just... I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I really knew it was going to happen but OMG!!!

Ahaha. kinda funny actually. When Maria won it, for the most part the entire stadium was dead silent. xD

I can't type right now. I'm shaking!!!

DAVAI MASHA!!!!!!!

So thanks for making me a fighter

2008-01-22T18:53:16Z

Maria Sharapova defeats Justine Henin 6-4 6-0

Just SO AWESOME! I really didn't think Masha was going to make it through this match. i thought it would have been a really close three setter with Justine as the winner but man! I am SO happy Maria proved me wrong!

GO FOR THE TITLE MARIA!!

And We've Only Just Begun

2008-01-21T17:14:07Z

what a game... I just... I am SO worn out from it. I just stayed home today and i am SO regretting it! I wanted to go to school and see how the packer fans there were reacting. I really wanted to rub it in BAD.

Oh man, yesterday I was SO supersticious. When the packers played the seahawks, before the game me and my dad were making fun of Frank Calliendo how he did the "hey now hey now my brett favre's back" and the "brett favre boogie" and today i would not MENTION it at ALL. My dad finally figured it out when i said "DON'T DO IT DAD! DON'T DO IT!!" and also, I never ever talk shit before a game anymore. I've come to realize it brings bad mojo to the team but yeah.

UGH. I know, its just me being really stupid and supersticious but thats what I do.

Wow that game was just amazing. My dad made a huge Spahgetti dinner an hour before the game and we were so nervous we couldn't even eat it. Before the game I went to wallgreens to get snacks for the game and I saw some guy running around downtown wearing nothing but a packer hat, a brett favre jersey, and shorts and I thought something bad would happen because i saw that. xD.

The game was just very intense, watching it. every single play i was just fist pumping and shouting "COME ON D!" or "COME ON ELI!!! COME ON PLAX!!" and in the backround of my coverage I just heard this fan screaming for the giants and that just made my day completely.

My dad never liked the Giants. He used to hate that I liked them. I call the Giants my 2nd team and of course, the bears are my #1 and he would get so mad when I would say that because he believes you can't have any other teams to cheer for (he has never liked any other team besides the bears. Its been a love affair between him and the bears for 45 years now. I'm the 4th generation of Bear fans in my family.) and this season when the giants beat the bears my dad was SO mad at me and he was like "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE A SECOND TEAM!!!" And I felt so horrible about it but now after the game was over he was like "Anna. I'm very glad that you decided to like the Giants or else we wouldn't have anyone to cheer for during the playoffs" and that just made me smileeeee.

And it was really werid to see my dad just screaming for Eli and the giants. I think I even heard him say Elisha... x3

When they finally won with the field goal my dad and I just looked at each other and I just like ran into his arms and started crying because I was just SO happy and it was just... wow.

Big huge shout out for all the people who cheered for the giants yesterday!!!

UGH. and my school doesn't get off for Martin Luther King Jr. Day and like EVERYONE else does? WHAT THE HELL!?